


Fire and Photographs

by Mewchan



Category: Fullmetal Alchemist (Anime 2003), Fullmetal Alchemist - All Media Types
Genre: Ed and Al are kinda there but it's not really their story, Friends With Benefits, Hanahaki Disease, M/M, Maes Hughes Lives, NSFW might happen but it was at least in the past, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-03-04
Updated: 2020-05-08
Packaged: 2021-02-28 17:48:20
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 7,269
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23011243
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Mewchan/pseuds/Mewchan
Summary: Roy's living in the past, but the flowers in his lungs are definitely in the present. If he could just pull them out he would but there's no way to go back to the old days. Is there..?
Relationships: Gracia Hughes/Maes Hughes, Maes Hughes/Roy Mustang
Comments: 6
Kudos: 27





	1. Bad Decisions

**Author's Note:**

> I only just got into FMA this past month I needed hanahaki content for Roy/Hughes badly so I took it upon myself to fix the problem. I have no idea how this will end yet but we shall see. I do have a playlist for this which I will link at the end of this chapter, and song titles from that playlist may feature in the chapter titles cause I"m that bitch.

_‘You said that maybe this is where it ends_

_Take a bow for the bad decisions that we made_

_Bad decisions that we made_

_And if we're going down in flames_

_Take a bow for the bad decisions that we made_

_Bad decisions that we made’_

~~~~

Roy couldn’t remember the last time that he left the safety of his small apartment after being discharged. The Ishbalan War had taken a toll on all involved. If you weren’t dead, you were missing or horribly traumatized. His small apartment was littered with books and buckets filled with blood, leftovers from the experiment he almost attempted but couldn’t seem to find the courage to try. All he could do was wonder why he couldn’t pull the trigger back then, before Markoh had escaped. He glanced back down into his whiskey, the melting ice beginning to water down the alcohol and gazed into the murky brown liquid as if he was trying to parse secrets of the universe. 

A knock at the door startled him out of his reverie. “Hey Roy, you gonna sulk in there or are you gonna let me in? I had my girlfriend bake some apple pie.” A voice called from the other side and Roy’s glance followed to the door. He stood, letting in his dear friend. 

“I haven’t seen you since..” Roy began, shutting the door before Hughes interrupted him.

“Yeah, since combat began. I told you to stay off the front lines like I did, but you insisted on getting into the action.” He teased a bit, before his lips changed into a stern line. “Roy, we’re all worried about you. I don’t know what you’ve seen out there but..” He froze, seeing the alchemic circles littering the ground and the buckets of blood, god knows where Roy had gotten it from but with the way he looked, Hughes was almost afraid to ask.

“Hughes.. I know it’s forbidden but..” Roy started, before Hughes took him by the shirt collar. 

“I don’t know much about alchemy.. But I do know one thing. Those who commit the forbidden act of human transmutation..” He trailed off, looking Roy straight in the face. Roy pushed him back, the other letting go of the paler man’s shirt.

“I haven’t done anything yet..”

“But you were planning to try.” Hughes asked. The silence between them was thick. Roy sighed. 

“So many people died.. I killed so many people back then..” 

“It was a war Roy.”

“You weren’t there.”

“If you couldn’t stand going to war and killing the enemy, you should have chosen a job at the rear like I did. Didn’t I tell you that from the start?” Hughes stated, his voice harsh but truthful. “You became a state alchemist, and now you think bringing even some of those people back is going to absolve your guilt?!” Roy almost smiled at that.

“Good question.” He stumbled when Hughes took a swing at him, fist connecting to face. 

“You can’t just perform human transmutation by studying a lot.” Roy gently touched his face, his expression blank, unreadable. “If you wanted to die there’s hundreds of easier ways to go.” 

“You think I didn’t try? I couldn’t pull the trigger. I was a coward.” 

“That’s one way of looking at it.”

“That’s just how I am..” 

“That’s how sane people are.” 

“... There’s a better way to use the life I’ve been given. Maes, I’ve made up my mind.” The lieutenant blinked in surprise, as Roy caught his gaze, his expression now stern. 

“Let’s hear it Roy.” Hughes sat, opening up the basket that he had brought.

“I’m going to become the Fuehrer. I’m going to change the way this country runs. That’s the only thing I can do now.” 

“You’ll need help, someone who understands you and can give you support. Someone lower in the ranks who can help push you to the top. I could be that.” Roy blinked a bit but smiled, softly but enough in the state he was in to be a change. 

“You’ve always been that haven’t you?” Hughes laughed at his comment. “Ever since trainee days, you’ve always been there for me.” He nodded a bit. 

“Yeah always said I would be. Now come on, have some pie. Gracia’s a saint in the kitchen.” Roy gave a soft smile and sat down with a friend, his mind wandering back to times before the war.

\-------------------------

“Cheers!” Mugs of beer clanked against each other as men cheered, laughing and drinking. It was their last night before the soldiers would head off to the front lines, and Roy would have to say goodbye to Hughes, who would be back in the rear, gathering intel for the men on the front lines. His eyes wandered over to the man, his face slightly pink from the effects of the beer. 

“Man I can’t believe you’re all leaving tomorrow.. Where’d the time go, right?” He asked, gently nudging his shorter friend who chuckled in response.

“I thought you’d have prepared a little better. Guess I was wrong huh?” Hughes laughed, and Roy took another drink from his whiskey, wincing a bit from the bitter taste. He was still getting used to the taste of the bitter alcohol, but the feeling of being drunk was pleasant, calming even. He felt freer, less held back by expectations. “At least you’re staying out of the fight, good thing for Gracia huh?”

“Yeah she won’t have to worry about me.” Hughes laughed a bit, leaning on Roy as he took a swig. “Course I still gotta worry about you. If you stick your nose in foxholes too often, you’re asking to get bit.” He warned, sounding like a mother hen with his metaphors.

“Yes Father.” Roy teased back. Hughes blinked in surprise then snorted. 

“God, can you imagine me with a kid? I can barely handle myself these days. I’d be a wreck.” Roy hummed a bit, running a gloved finger over the rim of his glass.

“I wouldn’t say that. Maybe at first, but I think you’d be a good father.” Another snort from his drunk cohort. “You laugh now, but you’ll see someday I’m right.” 

“You honestly think so?” The other asked, wiping foam from the corner of his mouth. “I mean I’m not really expecting things with Gracia to last that long, not when I’ve got my man going to the front lines.”

“Be serious Maes.” Roy warned, the way that statement made his heart lurch in the best way nearly frightened him. 

“I am.” He gazes softly over at the flame alchemist, a soft smile on his scruffy face. 

“You’re drunk is what you are. What number beer is that, four or so? Perhaps five?” Roy muttered, before finishing off his whiskey.

“Could ask you the same about your whiskey.” Hughes murmured softly. “And that stuff’s more potent than beer is~~” Roy chuckled, gently elbowing him. 

“Last call is soon, I should take you home.” Roy muttered, watching Hughes finish the beer off. “I’m sure Gracia is wondering where you are.”

“Please, we’re not living together yet, she’s fine. I’d rather go home with you.” Roy froze for a moment. “Can’t we go back to your place~?”

“You’d regret that come morning.” Roy insisted, hoisting his drunk friend up and helping him out, following the crowd out into the night. 

“I didn’t bring my house key to the bar, I left it at your place.” Hughes admitted. Roy sighed a bit, rolling his eyes. 

“Fine, but you’re sleeping on the couch.” 

The walk back to Colonel Mustang’s apartment was quiet, save for the occasional stray cat or dog barking from backyards. The stars were out, littering the sky with pinpricks of light, and making the moon shine even brighter than it normally would on dark nights. It felt surreal, like a moment taken straight from a storybook. 

“Roy.. you think we’ll still be this close after the war?” Hughes asked, still leaning a bit on the shorter Colonel for support. The night air had sobered him up a bit, so he wasn’t stumbling but the support was still appreciated. 

“If we both survive it, I don’t see why not.” Roy responded coolly. “After all that’s what friends are for.”

“That’s not what I meant Roy.” 

“Well then I don’t know what you mean.” He responded, opening the front door to the complex and leading them to his apartment. He opened the door to the smaller apartment, everything neat and tidy, and laid Hughes on the couch. He gasped as the larger man pulled him closer, sending Roy tumbling into his strong chest. “Maes-”

“I wish you didn’t have to go.” He admitted. “You should stay back with me, gain intel for the front lines.” Roy huffed, sitting up and pulling himself back to his feet.

“You know I can’t do that Maes, I’m a state alchemist, they need me on the front lines.”

“You’re never gonna be the same.” Roy paused, pondering the comment. Perhaps he wouldn’t be, but that’s the price of war isn’t it? Besides, it’s not like the higher ups are going to appreciate the goings on between the two of them continuing. It’s better if he doesn’t allow this to become more than a ‘with benefits’ relationship at best.

“Maybe not, but we are always changing aren’t we?” Roy adds, taking his coat off and hanging it on the coat hanger. 

“Not in this way.. Roy you’re pushing me away, why?” 

“You have a girlfriend, Lieutenant. It’s better this way.” 

“Do you really think you’re the other woman here?” Hughes asked, sitting up on the couch, Roy still not returning his gaze.

“Even if I’m not, it’s better this way. Nothing needs to be explained if you’re with her.” Roy admits. “Be honest, do you really see yourself with me in the future? Ten years from now?” 

“I don’t know. I don’t know what the future holds, I don’t even know if you’re gonna come back.” The way he says that grips at Roy’s heart painfully. He wasn’t expecting this to hurt as much as it did. “At least if you’re gonna end this, can we just be together one last night?” He glanced back at the man behind him, his heart catching in his throat. Somehow the moonlight falling on his face made him ethereal, like a scene in a bad noir novel, and Roy was the grizzled detective about to head on a life-threatening mission and Hughes in his drunken state was the femme fatale who was doing everything in her power to keep him here. 

A sigh escaped his lips and he smiled softly, undoing a button from his army jacket. “Come to bed Hughes.”

_**“On my way, Colonel.”** _

\---------------------------

“Something on your mind, sir?” Roy glanced up from his paperwork, Hawkeye giving him a stern gaze. He shrugged. 

“Not particularly.” He responded coolly, glancing over at Hughes, excitedly talking about Gracia’s pregnancy. ‘I knew he’d be fine,’ He thought to himself. The days that had past were past and they were all different people. That was something he was going to have to get used to. There was no use getting caught up in older feelings that had to be buried with the bodies of war. 

“Very well sir.” She responded calmly, going back to her paperwork. He nodded a bit, looking back at his paper. His productivity suddenly cut short when a strong hand covered his paper.

“Did you hear the good news Mustang? She’s just stunning this far in, I can’t believe I’m so lucky!” Hughes grinned brightly and Roy looked up at him. “I swear she might pop any day and-” He saw Roy’s gaze and cut himself off. “Ah-”

“Congratulations Hughes. I wish you both the best.” He smiled softly and Hughes grinned brightly, his tensions relieved. “Now, if you’ll let me get back to my paperwork?” 

“Ah right right, you’re always so busy.” Hughes laughed, turning and walking off to his own desk. Roy watched him go, his heart thumping sadly in his chest when a small itch began in his throat. ‘Odd..’ He thought to himself. ‘Must be getting sick.’ He signed the paperwork he had been working on before a small cough escaped him. He covered his mouth as he coughed, pulling back after a moment.

A small red flower petal stared back at him. ‘... What..?’ He pocketed it quickly, sparing a quick glance around the office to no one’s notice. “Uh oh, sounds like Mustang’s getting sick, everyone get your gas masks.” Breda teased, but not looking up from his work. “If Untouchable Mustang is sick it’s gonna be a really nasty winter.”

“Indeed.” Roy drawled, making a mental note to look into getting a book on botany on the way home. 

_**“Indeed.”** _


	2. Fallout

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It's been *checks clock* 3 days since I updated last? This is record timing for me. At this rate I might finish the fanfic before April. Either way, thank you for the support thus far and I hope you enjoy the next installment!
> 
> TW for minor emetophobia (I have it myself so I try not to go to in depth as it is)

_‘Well now there's him and now there's me_

_The secrets you give and secrets you keep_

_And nevertheless it's never you let_

_It's more that I gave and the less that I get_

_Don't tell me to fight, to fight for you_

_After this long I shouldn't have to_

_I know you're fine but what do I do?’_

_~~~_

Mornings have been hard for years. Roy never wanted to leave his bed, it was a safe comfort away from the harsh thoughts of the real world but morning always came and with it came harsh coughs, a new round of petals and the aches and pains of his hidden feelings. It’d been this way for years now, he was surprised he had lasted this long, holding all of this in. He dragged himself into the bathroom to wash his face and cough up another round of petals. The pain in his chest was suffocating but he moved forward regardless, staring at his weakened expression. 

It was hard to keep it under wraps, honestly so. He could get away with the occasional cough at the office but he tried to keep the fits at bay until he got home. That was easier said than done, however. He hadn’t been lucky enough during a briefing for Hawkeye and managed to have a coughing fit enough to send him sprinting to a bathroom to cough and vomit up a mess of petals, blood and bile. 

_‘Sir you.. You have it don’t you?’_ She had said back then, putting pieces together to a point. She had - thankfully - not asked the object of his affection but she seemed to have some sort of theory concerning it. Her glances across the office had a sort of strange and somber pity every time that Hughes came in toting new pictures of his daughter. He couldn’t stand being pitied but there wasn’t much that he could do. All he could do was push forward. 

It was harder lately though, his uniform felt tight, even when it was loose enough to barely hang on his frame. He swore he looked sickly, but no one at the office made any comments, save for the occasional look from Hawkeye. While he waited for his morning coffee to heat, he glanced over at the book on botany he had purchased years back. The page he would always revisit was slightly worn with age, dog-earred as he kept coming back to it whenever he felt especially bad. 

“Papaver rhoeas, more often known as the common poppy, is an annual herbaceous species of flowering plant in the poppy family, Papaveraceae. Poppies have long been used as a symbol of sleep, peace, and death. It is often associated with veterans and is often used in pain medications such as opium, morphine and codeine.” It read very scientifically and yet somehow was the proper gut punch he needed in moments like this. The red flowers he’d cough up were supposed to be used to relieve pain and yet they caused so much. They were associated with sleep when he would get barely any, peace when he felt none since the war, death that was on the horizon and veterans of war.. Which both he and Hughes were.. How painful.. How ironic.. He could spit.. 

He stood, pouring his coffee and taking a couple sips before the knock at his door reminded him of the pressing need of his ride to work. He sighed, swallowing as much as he could without burning his tongue and dumping the rest before hurrying out the door. He very nearly forgot his coat in his haste. “Good mornin’, Colonel.” Havoc nodded as he entered the car. “It’s sure a cold one this morning innit?”

“Rather. Can’t stand winter..” Roy mutters. “Give me summer any day.” Havoc laughed a bit, joking with Breda in the front seat. Riza gave him a look, and he returned it, eyebrow raising. Her first response of the morning was quiet enough for the men in the front seat to not hear but loud enough for Roy to hear.

“Are you feeling any better this morning, sir?” He gave a curt sigh and shook his head.

“Winter makes my joints hurt these days.” She shook her head.

“That’s not what I was referring to, sir.” He knew what she was referring to, but of course there was no getting better in the near future as far as he was concerned. “It’s obviously getting worse for you sir, if I may-”

“No Lieutenant you may not.” He mutters coldly, and her lips purse closed and she turns her gaze out of the car.

“Very well sir.” His gaze turned outward as they arrived at their location, and he stiffly moved out of the car. His mind wandered as he mechanically made his way to his office, like a train on a preset track. New day, same schedule, the tedium so close to driving him insane. The only solace at this place was the very thing that was making his lungs ache in the way they did. 

Sitting down at his desk, he very nearly glared at his work load before leaning over his desk and into his hand. This tedium was still better than being out in the field but it still drove him nearly mad. He could feel his mind wandering away, back to thoughts he should leave buried.. But like a restless soul, they came back to haunt him…

_**Ghosts never truly stay away..** _

\------------------------

“Will you hold still, Maes? You’re jumpier than a rabbit in a snakehole.” Roy huffed, attempting to help Hughes tie his black tie. It had been a bright summer day, perfect for a wedding and Hughes was all dressed up, save for the tie that he kept fiddling with and loosening from nerves. 

“I can’t help it, this is so... so nerve-wracking. I mean really, the wedding has to be perfect, her parents are counting on me not to mess this up and-” He stammered, and Roy cut him off with a tug on the tie as he tightened it again, a choked noise escaping the taller man’s throat.

“The more you freak out, the more you set up for failure. You have this under control.” Roy muttered. Hughes gave a short sigh. 

“What would I do without such a level-headed best man?” He sighed a bit and Roy gave a short chuckle. 

“Probably choke on your vows. Or worse. But you have me so it won’t happen.” He explained softly. “And for the love of all that’s holy, don’t freeze up.”

“Me? Freeze?” Hughes laughed a bit. “I never freeze.” Roy rolled his eyes. 

“If you say so. Let’s get you in position or we’ll never hear the end of it from your new mother-in-law.” Hughes nodded, following Roy quickly into the large room. The array of flowers up and down the rows of chairs brightly lit up the white room, a gorgeous white-painted wooden archway at the end of the aisle stood proudly. Roy brought him to his position, glancing out over the rows of chairs, military and friends of Hughes on one side and many other people, including Gracia’s family on the other. This was really happening. He held in a breath before nodding and patting Hughes on the back. “That’s my cue to head back. I’ll be right here after the walk up okay?”

“Okay.” Hughes nodded, sucking in his own steadying breath as Roy turned, walking back down to the front of the room and exiting. He stood next to a shorter, blonde woman in a white dress, Gracia’s maid of honor. She gave an excited smile to the straight faced man.

“Isn’t this exciting? I just love weddings.” 

“Yeah, they’re such an occasion.” He said, definitely not meaning it. Why was he letting this happen? His heart ached, he should be the one.. No, don't let yourself think those things, Mustang.. Those are dangerous thoughts. Music startled him from his train of thought and the procession began to walk forward again. His glance looked out over each side of the crowd as he walked down the aisle, Gracia’s family excited and smiling, proud smiles from their squadron. It felt unreal. Why couldn’t he get out of there?

He took his place behind Hughes and gave him a little nudge for encouragement and Hughes flashed him a nervous smile. He gave a small smile in return, even though his heart drummed along sadly. The piano swelled and the crowd stood, looking back to the open doors and Gracia stepping through in a gorgeous white gown, a veil over her face but her smile shining through. Roy glanced over at Hughes, feeling his heart sink from his reaction.

Hughes’ eyes were filling with tears of joy, his face in a joyous smile. He was over the moon, and Roy felt that dull ache in his chest. Fuck..

The ceremony felt like it was in slow motion, it took ages to Roy, even though it was no longer than any other wedding ceremony. He just wanted it to be over.. Please be over soon, please.. 

“If anyone should oppose the union of this couple, please speak now, or forever hold your peace.” Roy wanted to speak up so badly, to scream and shout and say ‘no stop the whole thing, let’s run away together’ but he bit his tongue until he felt the copper taste of blood in his mouth. “Then we shall continue.”

And thus, Roy watched his heart given away… with two exchanges of

_**“I do”** _

\---------------------------------

“Sir, the Elric brothers are here for their mission report.” Roy blinked a bit, shaken from his daydream by Lieutenant Hawkeye’s voice. He sat up in his seat, crossing his hands and nodding as the two walked in. Well, “walked in” is an inaccurate statement. Edward had nearly thrown himself into the room while Alphonse nervously followed him in, surprisingly dainty for a tall suit of armor. 

“Some lead that was! That mission led us in circles, and we just hit another dead end!” Edward grumbled loudly, bristling in anger. “I thought you said you were trying to help us find the Philosopher’s Stone!”

“Brother, he said he’d offer clues, he didn’t say anything about-” Alphonse started before Roy cleared his throat. Mainly to dislodge some petals, but it did the job to shut them both up, so win-win.

“Regardless, you both did well to secure the threat and make sure the town was in capable hands.” He responded coolly, turning over a paper to the other side. “Unfortunately, there’s not much of a break as you’re needed on official business in a small town outside of South City.” He handed over a tan file. “Something about a string of disappearances connected to automail recipients. Everything you’ll need to know is in that file.”

“What? We’re leaving again? But we just barely got back in town..” Edward muttered, taking the file and opening it with a frown.

“I don’t make the orders, Fullmetal. I just give them.” Roy muttered, cursing inwardly when he felt that annoying tickle start up again. He swallowed it down, he was not going to have a fit in front of the Elrics. They had enough on their plate without dealing with a superior officer’s irrational emotions. “You’ll leave tomorrow morning - early - so be sure to get a good amount of sleep, kid.”

“Yeah yeah whatever.” Edward huffed, shutting the file and handing it over to Alphonse for him to look at. “And of course you give ME the automail disappearance case when I’ve got a two-for-one set. Why couldn’t you get literally anyone who doesn’t have automail?” Roy gave Edward an annoyed look. 

“Listen you-” He started but that tickle started up again, but much worse than it had been. Shit. A choked cough escaped and he tried futility to swallow down the flowers again. Shit shit shit. Blindly he grabbed for a trash bin as coughs roughly escaped out of him, poppy petals and blood spattering into the metal container.

“C-Colonel Mustang!!” Alphonse yelped, voice cracking with the surprise. Roy’s shoulders shook from the effort, a couple more coughs escaping until his breathing leveled again. He sat up weakly, still feeling a petal on his chapped lips as he stared back at the Elric brothers, the two gazing on in horror. “D.. Did you just…”

“Hanahaki...” Edward started, before he swallowed down any other words he might have said. “Pretty good at hiding it too, no one would ever suspect. No offense sir, but you should really look into getting that checked out.. I’ve seen people die from that back home in Resembool..” 

“I’ll be fine. Go get some rest, kid.” Roy muttered, spitting away the lone poppy petal that stayed stuck to his lip. “Tomorrow morning will come fast.” Edward gave Roy a look before walking back into the hall, though Alphonse hung back. “Well? You too Al.”

“Sir.. I know it’s hard but.. You should really talk with them.. I can’t be sure who it is but.. They’d probably really hate to lose you like this..” Alphonse started before Roy gave a short sigh.

“It’s complicated.. But I’m not gonna let it kill me. Don’t worry about me, you have enough to deal with right now.” Alphonse gave a short pause before he turned, following his brother, a worried look somehow portrayed upon the armored face. When the door shut, Roy grabbed a handkerchief, wiping at his mouth with a sigh. “Son of a bitch..”

“Sir..” Hawkeye started, and Roy glanced over at her weakly. “If I may, I would highly suggest scheduling a surgery, especially if the feelings stem from who I assume they do.”

“There’s no need for that Lieutenant.” Roy muttered, taking a paper from the stack of paperwork on his desk. “I have a lot of work to do.” 

“.... Yes sir.” She muttered, turning back to her own work. He sighed, thankful that none of the others had been in the room at the time. It was bad enough a fit had to happen in front of the Elrics, but at least no one else saw, and at least there was no vomit in this batch of flower petals. Small blessings but blessings nonetheless. If only the day could finish so he would be off tomorrow and he could marinate in his own feelings and sickness.. The door opened again and the others came back in from lunch.

“Yo, anyone wanna explain why Ed and Al looked like they saw death after they left the office?” Falman asked, sparing a glance at both Hawkeye and Roy. 

“Edward got a bit lippy is all, had to toss a spark or two around before he’d shut up.” Roy muttered, not looking up from his papers. 

“Yeah that sounds like him. Hopefully that new mission doesn’t treat him too roughly right?” Breda laughed and Roy nodded a bit without saying anything. “Hey are you okay Colonel?” He glanced over at Breda and the others who were worriedly looking him over. Had he gotten blood on himself? Flower petals?

“Why do you ask?” He started calmly. Keep level headed. You’re fine.

“You just look a little under the weather sir.. If you’re not feeling well, we could take you home so you can rest. It’s been a pretty nasty winter..” Fuery started but Roy shook his head. 

“Too much work to do. I’ll be fine Fuery, just get back to work.” The shorter spectacled man hummed a bit with nerves but nodded and hurried to his desk regardless. Only once the others went back to their desks did Roy give himself a cursory look over, satisfied when he saw nothing out of place, well no more so than usual. 

He gave a curt breath in, a short cough and went back to his paperwork. 

_**What an awful morning…** _


	3. Another Place

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Covid got me like whee-whoo noises, being an essential worker killed my vibe but I'm finally posting chapter 3! Here you guys go! I hope you enjoy!

_ ‘Feels like something's special but it never felt like love _

_ Wonder what we could be living in another life _

_ Catch us in the mirror and it looks a lot like love _

_ Then you stop me talking as you kiss me from above’ _

_ ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ _

Finally getting home was a blessing for Roy. He never felt so happy to see that cramped apartment as he did at that singular moment as he shut the door behind him, shutting and leaning heavily on the door, eyes shut tightly in exhaustion. He felt heavy like concrete as he forced himself to hang up his coat and put his keys aside before falling hard onto the couch in his living room. Staring up at the ceiling was such a barren activity, but it was all he could manage, even with his stomach protesting for food and his body protesting for sleep. How had he lasted this long? He was in so much pain these days, he was surprised his body hadn’t given out on him yet. 

Why couldn’t he just tell Hughes?

That was an easy enough answer. He was a married man, he had a child, he had moved on. The real question was why couldn’t Roy do the same? Why couldn’t he bury the feelings? Lieutenant Hawkeye had been insisting for months that he schedule a surgery, remove the flowers, remove the feelings, remove the pain. But every time he refused help.

Was he really so desperate? Was he really so.. Selfish? His gaze moved from the ceiling to an old photo album on the side table. He groaned as he sat up and took the old leatherbound book off the table, opening it and immediately feeling his heart ache. The first picture he was greeted with was an old picture from their academy days. Hughes was smiling brightly, eyes shut tightly behind glasses and Roy’s face was seemingly gloomy but a small smile betrayed the gloomy look that he normally wore. 

His eyes drifted to a picture of the two of them jokingly wrestling, Roy laughing while putting Hughes into a headlock. Even when pinned, Hughes was still laughing and happy. Another picture was a sneaky shot of Hughes asleep at his desk during a study session, and another was a continuation of the scene with a stack of books stacked on his slumped over sleeping figure. The final shot was him half awake, having just woken up and books spilled all over, while another of their classmates laughed in the background. 

Roy’s gloved fingers fiddled with the parchment pages before he turned the page to a shot from the bar they would frequent in the days before the war. The two were toasting in the shot, Hughes with a mug of beer and Roy with his whiskey. The next shot had Roy making a face from the taste and Hughes laughing, obviously from the first time Roy had tried to drink the alcohol. 

Old memories that brought him back, rekindled any feelings he could have buried. Another cough escaped, the awful tickle was starting up again and he stood quickly, only to stumble down and scramble blindly for a trash can. The coughs and petals came out roughly and his shoulders shook and jolted painfully as blood trickled down his chin and onto the floor. Once the fit subsided he groaned, sitting back into a gentle squat. Staring at the bloody mess, he licked at his chin, the blood tasting metallic on his tongue. Son of a bitch… He stood, going to the kitchen to grab a bowl, a wash rag and some water to clean up the mess. 

Once he had gathered everything, he began to scrub at the floor, cursing to himself quietly. Once the spot dried he could sweep up the petals but he’d have to wait for the water to dry, but at least the blood puddle was a quick clean up this time.. He hadn’t been so lucky some of the times he couldn’t make it.. But this was getting worse so much quicker than he anticipated. Maybe he should take Hawkeye’s advice.. Maybe… He stood, taking the bowl and rag back to the kitchen, dumping the water and sitting back down with the photo album. 

He turned the page to a picture from the night before he left for Ishbal and he felt his heart ache. That was the last time he could really remember being happy. His mind wandered back to that day again. 

_**Back to another place and another time...** _

\-----------------------------------

The cramped apartment bedroom somehow felt so comfortable and homey. The full size bed was just big enough for the two men as their hands wandered, hidden only by the comfort of night. Roy had broken the deep kiss to pant heavily, hovering over Hughes as he gazed up at Roy through his gently fogged up glasses. “Take those off you idiot, you’ll break them.” Hughes only laughed.

“What and miss the action? How dare you~” He teased, tugging the flame alchemist back down onto the bed, and into the strong embrace. Roy almost stumbled a bit from the action, close to hitting his jaw on Hughes’ head and he laughed from the surprise of it. “Easy does it~!”

“You’re the one who pulled me down so fast!” Roy snorted, before kissing Hughes’ neck, gently nipping at the sensitive skin. He purred, pressing closer to him before yelping when Hughes moved to flip over, pinning him against the soft sheets. “Oh come on!”

“One of these days you’re gonna catch me off guard Mustang, but today is not that day~” He teased, nipping gently at Roy’s neck, the scratchy feeling of his beard against Roy’s neck adding to the sensation. 

“Oh bi- Shut it.” 

“You nearly said bite me didn’t you~?”

“Oh just shut up and don’t stop~” 

“Yes Colonel~” Roy’s eyes shut tightly when Hughes’ hands began to wander as he kept up the barrage on his neck. He bit his lip to try and hold back gentle noises but his hips bucking up revealed his desires. “Needy much~? I thought you were the one who said - ”

“Shush, you’re the one who wanted one more night. Now enjoy it.” 

“Roy.” Roy’s eyes opened, looking up at Hughes, the scruffy lieutenant hovering over him, a stern look on his face. “Do you want to continue this?”

“Of course I want to finish this-”

“Not what I’m asking. I mean us.” Roy’s breath caught in his throat. He tried to find the words he wanted to say but his thoughts ran away when his gaze caught Hughes’ eyes. He swore he got lost in those deep pools, his throat feeling dry and his pulse racing. 

“I.. I’m not sure..” He glanced away, eyes catching their reflection in the mirror by his bedside. Hughes hovering, with such a worried gaze in his eyes, over his vulnerable body. His heart lurched in such a needy wanting way. “I..” 

“Is this just one more night, or is this going to be something more?” Hughes asked again, and Roy looked back up into his dark auburn eyes.

“I don’t know. I don’t know what I need right now. All I know is right at this moment I need you beside me before I go and risk my life.” Hughes leaned back down holding Roy close, kissing his neck again. Roy’s gaze moved back to the mirror. 

The scene almost felt perfect. Almost. But just slightly off. He knew this couldn’t last more than the night. He knew this near perfect scene would end the moment that morning came and he’d have to leave for Ishbal. Why was this world so cruel to make him feel so much just before taking it away? 

No, it was better this way. Hughes had a girlfriend, she’s probably going to be more than that after Roy leaves. He feels a shiver go through him when Hughes’ hand brushes a sensitive area. The less he thinks about it, the better. 

His hands joined Hughes in wandering up and down, grasping and grabbing at whatever they could lay prize on. He could feel the strength of Hughes’ muscles just barely holding back from pouncing as he sat up enough to close the distance between them and kissing him roughly. A groan escaped Roy’s lips as he bucked up into Hughes’ touch, the other man’s hand snaking down to his crotch and giving a gentle squeeze. 

“Maes~” Roy couldn’t stop himself from whispering, his voice in a husky and hushed tone as the taller man planted his knee purposefully between the other’s spread legs and leaving a gentle pressure as Hughes’ hands tugged off Roy’s under shirt. His pale skin almost shone in the gentle moonlight, as Hughes leaned down, trailing kisses down Roy’s chest. Roy reached up, unbuttoning Hughes’ top and letting his hands wander down his strong abs. 

They both sat up quickly to undress down to boxers before leaning back in to continue their ghosting touches and teasing kisses and nips. The feeling of the heightening emotions swirling around in Roy’s head in combination with the vague drunk feeling the alcohol left was making Roy dizzy but he never wanted this moment to end, he could stay like this forever, forever in this bed with the man who looked at him with so much love in his eyes through those fogged up frames. A gasp escaped his lips as he felt a hand slide into his boxers and grip his hardening member. 

“God you’re incredible like this~” Hughes muttered as he began to massage into Roy, the colonel squirming and bucking from the gentle but insistent touches. Roy’s eyes fluttered open, surprising himself that he had even shut them in the first place, as his vision blurred and refocused on the growing bulge between Hughes’ legs. He needed Hughes, he needed him more than anything right at this moment. 

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“Um.. L-Lieutenant Hawkeye?” Riza looked up from her work to the nervous face of Lieutenant Kain Fuery, his face looking surprisingly pale behind his thick framed glasses. “There’s something I need to talk to you.. I know it’s probably not my place to say behind the Colonel’s back but..” She sat up a bit, her eyes darting behind him to the other members of the squadron who were all looking expectantly to her. 

“What is the problem Lieutenant Fuery?” He gulped a bit before shifting.

“I-I thought that I would help out the Colonel since he wasn’t here today by doing a bit of cleaning of his area in his stead, a-and I went to empty his trash bin and..” He trailed off nervously, biting his lower lip. Riza’s thoughts flashed back to yesterday. Roy must not have emptied his trash after that fit.. How could he be so..

“And?”

“Th-There was blood pooling at the bottom along with flower petals.. Poppies if I recall properly. I wouldn’t be able to tell the exact strain given the blood stains but..” He trailed off. Stupid.. She sighed, putting her pencil down and looking down.

“I wouldn’t have expected him to be this careless.” The others made a noise of shock, and Havoc yelped, leaning forward over his desk at the blonde woman.

“You mean you knew about this??” She nodded. “Jeez how long has this been goin’ on for it to be this bad…?”

“Long enough. I’ve warned him many times about corrective surgery to remove the growth but he adamantly refuses to.” She admits. “He was unlucky yesterday and the Elrics managed to catch a glimpse of a fit of his as well.” 

“Jeez probably scared the poor kids to death..” Falman muttered. “It explains why they looked so worried when they left yesterday and this morning too since Mustang didn’t really see them off.” 

“Not that he really had to, he was off today after all.” Breda muttered. “That being said, this hanahaki stuff, he’s had to have had it for years for it to get this bad. Almost makes me wonder who caught his eye.” 

“Could be anyone. He’s pretty emotionally constipated.” Havoc snorted a bit before clearing his throat when Riza gave him a sharp look. “My guess is someone here on the Central base.”

“That doesn’t really narrow it down, you know. There’s hundreds of soldiers in this particular unit.” Falman replied, looking up in thought. “At least I’m pretty sure it’s not Armstrong.”

“Yeah, no offense to the guy but I doubt he’s Mustang’s type.” Breda piped up.

“A-Are we even sure that the Colonel is interested in men? It could be that woman down at the flower shop..” Fuery asked softly. Havoc made a noise of annoyance but Breda shot down the idea quickly.

“Course not, she only moved here this year, this had to have been happening for years.” He thought to himself for a bit. “I mean it could be Hawkeye…”

“It’s not. He would never have let me see him like that if I was. Besides that our relationship is purely platonic.” She insisted. “I do have a theory myself but I haven’t made it known to him so I can’t be sure if it's true or not.” The others glanced over at her expectantly. “Lieutenant Maes Hughes.”

“Hughes??” The others sputtered in shock. She nodded quietly.

“I mean Hughes is straight right? There’s no way he’d..” Fuery trailed off. 

“It’s possible.. Even if Hughes doesn’t return the feelings, I’ve seen glances Mustang’s thrown his way when he’s talking about Gracia or Elicia. They always had a tinge of.. Grief? I couldn’t tell you if I was imagining it or not but..” Falman added. 

“Well shit if Mustang’s coughing up flowers for the man, shouldn’t someone tell him?” Breda muttered.

“Isn’t the cure for hanahaki supposed to be returned feelings though? It might just make things worse for Colonel Mustang. Especially since Hughes’ is a married man.” Fuery insisted. “I really don’t think it’s our place to tell him…”

“Ah you have a point..” Breda muttered. “I mean if he asks, but we shouldn’t go bringin’ it up willy nilly. That being said somethin’ oughta be done soon. He’s gettin’ bad if he’s getting this careless.” 

“It’s almost like he’d rather die than tell Hughes..” Falman started before humming a bit gently. “Come to think of it, that might be it. Which would be bad for Hughes to have hanging over his head.” 

“So what do we do?? Tell Hughes and then have to deal with the fallout or let it be and lose our commander and STILL deal with the fallout..? Either way neither of our options look good..” Fuery sighed. 

“Well if he doesn’t show up for tomorrow we can decide then.. For now we’ve just got to deal with what we can here.” Hawkeye orders. “Let’s get back to work.”

_**“Yes, sir!”** _

**Author's Note:**

> https://open.spotify.com/playlist/7fSm5zJd1GwogXpq8c8n9e?si=s32QxiUNQAOASrruxYU7Lw
> 
> Here's that playlist I mentioned in the beginning, check it out if you wish! There's probably no spoilers in it. Probably.


End file.
